This is a 40 ounce bottle of Admiral Irish’s Olde Fashioned Whiskey, Vintage 2345 perfectly sealed in it’s original bottle. You’re pretty certain that there is nothing olde fashioned about this whiskey at all considering the company was founded in 2250 as a way to compete with Captain Morgan but you could be wrong and it’s possible they actually do distill it in the original way done back in 1300s or so. Ignoring the fact that it’s mass produced in a factory and not in small quantities behind a monastery.
That said, the 2345 vintage is worth rather embarrassing amounts of money due to the fact that the company put an actual 24 karat gold coin in the bottle as a sales pitch. It gives the bottle an unsurprising weight and clinks softly against the glass as you swirl it around. You’ve never really understood why on Earth (or any other planet) they would do that, but then again you’ve never understood why insurance companies give away microwaves for buying a health insurance policy from them. The universe sure is a weird place.
The fact that someone threw out a perfectly good bottle of this particular brand disturbs you somewhat as the 2345 vintage is extremely rare. This is very strange. You’re starting to wonder if this ship is called Penny Lane.
Hand on the cap, you’re about ready to break open the bottle and chug the 40 ounces of pure distilled whiskey. Because we all know the best thing to do when you find yourself alone in a potentially hostile environment is to get so thoroughly wasted to the point that the navy would dishonorably discharge you for gross dereliction of duty.
No wait. You got that completely wrong.
You decide against drinking for now.
Oh yes! This is a great idea. Really.
You jam yourself under the desk as best you can (it’s very small down here) and make beeping and blooping noises hoping you do a good robot impression.
This is clearly the best use of a naval officers time. Honestly, there is absolutely nothing better you could possibly be doing right now. It really is an absolute mystery as to why you haven’t been promoted since you’re filled with so many brilliant ideas just like this one.
Keep up the good work champ.
S——tuck is a scifi text adventure following Navy officer, Asimov, on his seemingly abandoned starship. The adventure features quirky imagery, pretentious wordplay, and a cute cat. Influenced heavily by You Awaken in Razor Hill, a thick air of humor and good nature is present within each panel. Plus, the art is really damn cute. Sticking with true text adventures, the storyline has been vaguely set forth without much introduction to a plot, promising to take any if not all ideas into consideration. The story is purely ask-driven; the protagonist is at your command.
You’re about ready to attempt the maneuver by jumping as high as you possibly can and hoping that you manage to pull off a complete spin before you fall to the ground when you realize how silly of a notion this is.
You’re on a spaceship after all. You can simply make the ship do a barrel roll thus doing one yourself.
Unfortunately, you would need to be on the bridge in order to execute such a maneuver, as that’s the only place where you can navigate the ship.
You resolve to wait until then to roll like a barrel.
As you go to pick up the unnamed cat in an attempt to hold it up over your head and do an incredible reenactment of that opening scene from the Lion King it lets out another mew and grabs onto your arm. This is actually quite interesting because, considering how small the thing is, you never would have imagined it to be quite this strong.
You also never would have imagined it’s claws to be quite this painful.
Mewing a third time, the unnamed cat begins to chew on your hand. This also is incredibly painful. But based on the soft purring, you figure that it’s pretty happy right now.
Letting the unnamed cat play with your arm, you set yourself on the task of naming it. After all, referring to it as “unnamed cat" is betting kind of tiring for all of us. Unfortunately your naming powers aren’t very good (they never have been) and in a slight panic you think you might have named the cat something stupid.
((Unnamed Cat is now named Macarena))
You’re actually starting to wonder how you even got into the Navy in the first place.
Having a much less silly thought, you head over to the rustling pile of refuse in the corner of the room. You’re not entirely sure why this is here as by the look of things it’s merely trash from the mess hall. Just from the odor it emits you can tell there is rotting food in there, not to mention the puddle of brown liquid that is seeping out of the bottom. Still, you resolved to investigate the refuse and investigate the refuse you shall!
As you carefully poke around in the pile you are quickly proven right about its contents. One bag is completely filled with rotting, half-eaten fruits. Why they remain half eaten is completely beyond you. You’ve never met anyone in the service who doesn’t clean their playe. Another is filled with what appears to be recyclables, mostly glass and plastic bottles, some of which are broken and you are very careful not to cut yourself on. However, from this bag you also find a perfectly sealed bottle of whiskey. This could surely come in handy.
You were about ready to give up on searching for the source of the rustling when you see a cat’s head poke up from the bag in front of you. It looks at you very calmly before letting out a happy “mew”. Carefully you help it out of the bag it was, apparently, playing in and set it on the floor.
That was certainly not what you expected at all. The cat seems to be blissfully ignorant of the entire situation and begins pawing at the laces on your boots.
Oh this is going to be fun…
((Asimov obtains Bottle of Whiskey x1))
((Asimov has gained Unnamed Cat as a companion))
You are about to burst out into the not so ridiculously complex dance passed down through hundreds of generations of people when you recall the lyrics to the song.
Now, while you have nothing against the idea of taking boys home with you to play video games or have fancy tea parties with, it doesn’t seem like the appropriate measure to take right now.
Besides, there aren’t any boys to take home with you at the moment.
You are Ensign Asimov. You think this is a fairly good name, considering you serve on a starship. However, no one seems to find it as clever as you do. That’s probably a generational thing.
You do not remember exactly what happened in order for you to be here, in this room, passed out, but when you woke up everything seemed to be much more disheveled than normal. Especially for a military vessel where the officers usually make sure everything is in a fantastic spit-shine.
By the look of things you are all alone. This is rather curious since, as well as you recall, the ship you serve on is a frigate with a fairly decent sized crew. Of course, considering that you can’t remember much past your own name, the ship could have been being run by a skeleton crew. Either way you’re alone.
There is a hallway to storage here.
There is a doorway out here.
There is a desk here.
There is a locker here.
There is a rustling pile of refuse here.
There is an overturned trash bin here.